WARNING! There will be people on this site you do NOT like.

[Leila Raven]

In fact, unless you have the compassion, empathy, heart and mind of a saint, as the site grows I can pretty much guarantee it.

There will be those people here. Those people you try so desperately to avoid. Those people that grate on your nerves. Those people that believe in *that* stuff, you know, maybe it's the scary stuff, or maybe it's fluffy bunny stuff. Maybe it's not what they believe, but how they shove it down your throat. Or so it seems. Or maybe it's that they just seem to know it all, and they're SO wrong. You know THOSE people.

Well guess what, we're all one of those people. All of us come off the wrong way to someone sometime. Yeah, we might whine in our heads, but we know better. I'm really a NICE person, a SMART person, a RIGHT person. My intentions are all in the right place. Well guess what, we're all one of those people too.

Ayup.

There will be people here that will use words you don't like, and find offensive.

There will be people here that have beliefs and practices, that you find disturbing, upsetting, or maybe silly, stupid, or trivial. All of us, will have SOME negative assumptions about someone on this site.

Bottom line, we are all who we are.

If we want the freedom to be ourselves, we must extend that freedom to others.

If we want to be respected for our own choices, faiths, ideas, beliefs, we have to extend it to others.

What then to do with those individuals that rub many people the wrong way? Who are more extreme on the edge of a more out there belief, or method of expressing themselves that they disrupt a lot of people a lot of the time. I'm not sure honestly how I will deal with individuals that may really push this sites members buttons.

My first line of approach is trying to work toward an inclusive solution. Bring resolution and positive change without excluding someone. I would like to make removing someone from this site a really last resort.

There are people who thrive on conflict, and conflict is also often a positive part of people who are going through periods of growth and change. Overcoming conflicts. Learning how to resolve conflict. As well as learning how to communicate with others effectively and to co-operate with others, is one of the most meaningful things we can do actually in terms of our self growth and development.

You can use conflict with others on this site as catalysts for positive growth and change, for yourself, and for others. You can choose to try to change what you can change, not that other person, but yourself. You can choose to try to expand your empathy and compassion. You can make an effort to try harder to understand why that other person is who they are, believes what they believe, and feels how they feel, or expresses themselves how they do. All of us have baggage, history, triggers, brainwashing, etc, to overcome. All of us. We are all the walking wounded. If you want a less judgemental more compassionate world. WE have to co-create it.

We can start co-creating it here.

Defuse conflict, keep conflict to places where people who want to embrace it only can, and not impose our conflict onto others who do not want to be a part of it. Recognize trolling behaviours and people who feed on negative energy, or are addicted, literally to the adrenaline rush of the 'fight' or flight response, and just like a good fight (yup, some do, let them fight with others that like to do battle, and if your the pacifist type like me, learn to walk away). I have a tendency as a pacifist to want to repress or smooth over conflict, perhaps more than is ultimately healthy. Really, who gets to decide? and maybe what is healthy for one person isn't the same for another...

I know you're all intelligent enough to really get what I'm saying here.

Conflict will happen, be ready for it, focus not on what I can do as a site owner to fix it for you, or what the other person has to do to stop bothering you, and focus on the only change that really matters, the one you can bring with you off site and everywhere you go. Learn your own personal way of dealing with it, create strategies and plans for self for sharing spiritual space with a diverse group of people.

This place will have a lot of freedom, for many people, that may feel like a lack of 'security', that lack of security, is not coming from the site, that feeling of insecurity, is a feeling, and it comes from within you, and only you, can address it. You can avoid it, or you can understand it, and control it, rather than letting it control you.

Leila

[37k5peu2ugi2s]

i must be hanging out somewhere else...i have only felt one prickle, maybe my ego? that's what happens sometimes...when i slip back into an old space....

so far i have felt nothing but friending caring souls in this temple...

i hope a mirror image of me/i also~*~

[37k5peu2ugi2s]

YES!!!

[Grigori Rho Gharveyn]

<smile>

[0uyktmh8k79ua]

well actually I think there's more to it, often when writing..and that's the trick right there.. the writing, some people express themselves really badly, not meaning to, but using words without care, setting a 'tone' for the posting.. it's hard enough when writing, no body language or small signals that communication with others is so dependent on... all we have is those words on the page..

 

[2zvw9kxsea7gt]

That is definitely true. Anyone who is writing needs to consider how their words may be perceived by others.

I also think that may be part of the problem with modern communication methods. I'll preface this by saying that I am in IT, and so I'm definitely not a Luddite. But texting, messaging on Facebook, and twitting, all methods which should enable conversation, sometimes inhibit it by their limitations.

And those limitations are what you are referring to. A conversation started with a minor misunderstanding of what one person was saying, could blow up beyond proportion to the original starting point.

[Grigori Rho Gharveyn]

Thank you Marc,

your words have somehow reminded us that al the natter on twitter, facebook, etc. is very conducive to maintiaining people's brainwashing.  Messages challenging people's assumptions and beliefs are not easily conveyed by these media, while messages reinforcing indoctrinated beleifs are readily shared because most of the participants are already indoctrinated.

We were an IT semi-Luddite, the two are not entirely incompatible..

If not choosing to use twitter makes us a Luddite, so be it...

 

Enjoy!

 

[2zvw9kxsea7gt]

To do the promotion thing I succumbed to getting a Twitter account. I really resisted the idea of sound-byte messaging.

[Grigori Rho Gharveyn]

yah, many people have a deep need to cry 'me' and twitter serves that need.  People are being stripped of their authenticity in their own lives and twitter helps feed this void.

[2zvw9kxsea7gt]

And that is just not my thing. I'm just now getting into the idea of self promotion, and that is due to the book. I know that in order to get it out there, I have to push it, ya know?

But it still feels weird.

[2zvw9kxsea7gt]

I was thinking about that after I wrote it, and to be honest, it's only partially true. I emcee for concerts, and have no problem standing up and speaking in front of a couple of hundred strangers. I've also been a singer. So that "me" thing is probably there more than I would like to admit.

[3q31ysrgkm1nt]

I very much agree with you both dtbaggins and Marc.  Writing can be hard to convey what we are feeling and thinking.  That is why I often times consider writing an art form.  Being able to paint with words that it does convey your feelings and intent within the words.  You just never know how someone will respond to your words, that creates the dynamics.  So when we are writing we take the time to re-read our words to see if we wrote what we wanted to convey.

[Grigori Rho Gharveyn]

Setting a 'tone' can be difficult in some circumstances, a healthy tone to reach an audience of Christians, might work for an audience of Muslims or Pagans or Hindus, if it did not rely on using predominantly Christian cultural icons and terms that might alienate those non-christian aurdiences.

Also, many readers will be frustrated if a post contains a long preamble whose only purpose may be to mollify anyone who might potentially be offended by what the author wants to say.

Consequently, even the most capable authors may be very challenged.

And, let's face it, some people want to stir up trouble and conflict, they appear to thrive upon it.  For many people who feel powerless, beng abusive is a power trip, a way to finally feel superior to someone else, even if only in their own imaginations.

Nevermind that their perceived superiority or power is an illusion, in the moment they are writing they feel on top of the world, they are using their brains to trigger the release of powerful dopamines to help themselves feel better emotionally.

They are using abusive language online to get high.

They should smoke dope instead, its much less anti-social, and far less harmful or addictive than alcohol or the dopamines they are abusing.

Dopamine habituation can be mediated; new ways of producing biochemical effects to achieve similar dopamine 'highs' can be learned that are less anti-social, or which may have positive social values.

Endorphins may be a very effective way to treat dopamine addictions.  Endorphins are easy to create, just not so powerful as dopamines, many forms of endorphin stimulating behavior are very loving, nurturing, generous, or compassionate behaviors.

Yoga is a good source of endorphins as is any form of physical exercise.

We like to dance.

Anyone who only occasionally lapses into vitriolic comments is most likely ok, just having a bad day, or having very sensitive 'buttons' pushed. 

However, chronic flamers are most likely addicted to their behaviors and may need to be attracted away from their anti-social behaviours with good examples of love, nurture, compassion, and respect.

Dopamine addictions are extremely common, anyone with chronic anger issues is very likely to be a dopamine addict.  Many people's 'darker' emotions such as fear, resentment, or jealousy, and the cognitve habits that help maintain these emotional states can result in vitriolically expressing anger that may lead to dopamine addictions.

Both anger and dopamine addiction are associated with depression, so many chronic flamers may really be using their hostiility to direct their inner anger away from themselves by finding people on the internet to abuse as surrogates for their chronic self-abuse.

Before we can ask someone like this to change, we need to reach them on a deep level, a level meaningful to them, a level that allows them to know they are not alone, that someone cares and can really help.

 

Blessed be...