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Comment by jack black on July 16, 2018 at 3:58am

A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. 

As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders. 

The man said, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke." Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, "What's yours?" 

"I'll have the same," said the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returned with the order saying, "That will be $6.40 please." So the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact change for payment. 

The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke." Then the ostrich said, "I'll have the same." 

Once again the man reached into his pocket and paid with exact change. 

This became a routine until late one evening, the two entered again. 

"The usual?" asked the waitress. "No, it is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," said the man. "Same for me," said the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress came with the order and said, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulled the exact change out of his pocket and placed it on the table. 

The waitress couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer. 

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" 

-

"Well," said the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." 

"That's brilliant!" said the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," said the man. 

The waitress asked, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" 

The man sighed, paused, and answered,

"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Comment by jack black on July 13, 2018 at 6:26am

Comment by jack black on July 13, 2018 at 6:24am

Comment by jack black on July 11, 2018 at 4:06pm

Comment by Karen Black on July 10, 2018 at 10:45am

Comment by jack black on July 10, 2018 at 5:39am

Comment by jack black on July 1, 2018 at 5:42am

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

 

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about making love?” he asked, rather tentatively.

“I would like it infrequently,” she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered: “Is that one word or two?”

Comment by jack black on June 25, 2018 at 5:07am

5 surgeons are taking a coffee break:
1st surgeon says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
2nd surgeon says, “Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
3rd surgeon says, “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded.”
4th surgeon says, “I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable.”
5th surgeon says, “I like engineers … they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end.”

Comment by jack black on June 25, 2018 at 5:00am

Comment by Karen Black on June 25, 2018 at 4:40am

And a bright good morning from me........

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