We have had a series of Kundalini awakenings in our life. We had no training for these experiences. Our poor preparation may have lead to many problems in our life. Buddhism, Hinduism and yoga seem to offer the means to repair the damages done by our spontaneous Kundalini awakenings.
Kundalini Awakening, A Cautionary Tale
In early August of 2006 we had a Kundalini awakening experience more intense or powerful than any we had previously known.
We still referred to ourselves as a singular person at that time, although we had been aware of being a multiple person, a collective of some sort since the early 1980’s, perhaps even earlier.
Some people might suggest that our Kundalini awakenings are partly responsible for our shattered sense of our self-perception; we might agree, but can’t be sure.
We have our own explanations for what we believe about ourselves. Perhaps our personal explanations are just fancies, delusions.
It can be hard to tell.
Who should we trust, other than ourselves, as an authority regarding our own life?
In any event, our awakening in 2006 was extraordinary.
Two friends, Ambient Angel, and Madrigal assisted us in our awakening.
Ambient Angel was then a fellow we met online, the author of an article on manifestation who was coaching us about how to use manifestation successfully.
Madrigal is a dragon.
Madrigal had, by this time, been our friend for many years. We first became aware of Madrigal in this incarnation during a rebirthing exercise with a friend trained in this practice at MIU, back in the spring of 1986.
Ambient Angel was explaining that in order to manifest what we wish successfully we would have to learn to love ourselves 100% unconditionally. This meant we would have to cease all of our cognitive and emotional habits that were self-destructive.
A tall order...
We replied to Ambient Angel that we hated ourselves thoroughly and wanted to kill ourselves. We had tried Dr. Phil’s exercises in stopping the repetitive cycles of thoughts and emotions with which we habitually acted out our self-hatred unsuccessfully.
At that time we did not see how we could possibly learn to love ourselves unconditionally.
Then we had an inspiration, we told Ambient Angel we would ask Madrigal for help.
Now most people regarded Madrigal as an imaginary friend, if they knew abut Madrigal at all, so you may wonder how Madrigal could possibly help us.
We remembered to ask Madrigal for help while driving to work the next morning.
We expected Madrigal to remind us whenever we were castigating ourselves verbally, mentally, or emotionally. We expected that Madrigal would remind us when we failed to love ourselves unconditionally.
But Madrigal has a lazy streak; or, maybe Madrigal is just much smarter and more capable than we are.
Rather than constantly remind us when we failed to love ourselves well, Madrigal cleansed out all of our chakras and auras in an instant.
Kundalini energy roared up our spine powerfully activating each chakra along the way.
Faster than lightning can strike, our Kundalini energy activated our crown chakra and awakened our godhead.
We transformed instantly.
We experienced 100% unconditional love for ourselves; we finally understood how we had always been responsible for all of our past misery.
We could forgive everyone whom we ever felt had ever hurt us; everyone, including ourselves.
We were ecstatic.
However, we had had awakenings like this before, and before, we had always returned to sleep. It may take a few weeks or as long as a few months, but we had always gone back to sleep, to continue to dream our misery into existence.
We knew we had a rare opportunity to understand how to love ourselves in a healthy manner by experiencing our love for ourselves first hand, in a manner that we had never experienced before.
We knew we must use this opportunity to learn as much as we could before we fell asleep once more. We knew we must set about reawakening ourselves again as soon as possible.
We eventually learned to recover form states of ‘sleepiness’; we began to learn to maintain ourselves in a mindful, aware state more frequently.
We improved our diet, exercised, and used meditation daily.
We still got caught up in our own inner perceptions of deficits such as loneliness, despair, depression, anger, etc, but we were learning to recover form these more and more rapidly.
The Kundalini energy we were raising in our meditations drove us through many changes very quickly. We began to realize that cognitive dissonance between our perceptions of ourselves as a collective and the world’s reflections of us a singular being were hurting us.
We felt more isolated by other people’s ignorance of who we perceived ourselves to be.
We decided to ‘come out’ about who we felt ourselves to be and used NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) to help reinforce our sense of our collective being. We began referring to ourselves in the plural cases; this helped our friends and coworkers to be aware of us in a manner that was more real to us than being regarded as a singular person.
We had a peak experience of prolonged divine self-awareness that enabled us to boot-strap ourselves up our own ladder of cognitive development and spiritual evolution.
But we appear mad as a hatter to many people who meet us and listen to our ideas or beliefs.
We know we are on the track of a personal reality that may help us transcend all mortal limitations, yet to state such just reinforces the opinions of those who declare us mad.
Therefore, we must consider the possibility that our Kundalini awakenings may have addled our wits; many people have insisted this is so.
There may be other explanations, but as we have come to understand it, when practicing with raising Kundalini there is a danger of losing touch with reality when the subject has not properly followed the eight paths of yoga.
Without proper discipline, chaos is too likely to result.
Our life has been exceptionally chaotic recently.
We are now repeatedly reminded to return to basic principles, to rework ourselves from the ground up. We are grateful for all of our guides and wise friends; we feel ready to make a commitment to building a new, healthier foundation for our life.
So its back to basics now.
We reckon we will clear things up well enough.
We reckon any Kundalini awakening is better than the suicidal self-hatred we used to live with.
Nonetheless, we caution readers to learn more about yoga in order to prepare for their own Kundalini awakenings more mindfully than we have done.
Such preparation might have saved us much suffering.
Love, Grigori Rho Gharveyn
MAD? Who would dare to call me mad? who who who wha wha wha hahaha
Great story Grigori. It illustrates how our paths are uniquely individual. You sound great, if unfinished, but will any of us be finished in this lifetime?
I have asked people "after 40 years of carving my heart out, do you really expect it to be there?" Heart chakra repair is going slowly, and the damage is likely to be why the kundalini is causing hbp. Eventually I will figure it out. It is useful to know I am not the only one working on it. Good luck with yours.
Madness is the issue it seems; look to your solar plexus chakra, the wounds you describe are wounds to your ego, not your heart...
Heart chakra is the source of your healing, it is above ego.
If your heart chakra is damaged then you will either be too compassionate or too lacking in compassion. Possibly both, expressed differently in different situations.
You do not feel like a person lacking balanced compassion, when we look at you.
You do not appear to overextend yourself or to over limit yourself with regard to your capacities for compassion.
Consistent, balanced compassion will let you know when your heart chakra is healthy.
Lack of reactive fear will help you know when your mind chakra is healthier.
Being wounded in your ego can make your heart chakra contract if you respond with anger, bitterness or dissapointment, but that is a socially conditioned reflex to withdraw your compassion from someone who hurts you.
When you cease to enable yourself to feel harmed you will no longer respond to events by feeling hurt. Then your compassion can remain intact, there is no longer a reactive response to close off your heart.
People get confused between their egos and their hearts because the ego's pain is emotional.
Emotions are part of the second chakra.
When the Mind chakra is healthy it helps keep the emotions in balance, just as a healthy heart chakra helps heal our minds.
We may be mad, but we are rarely angry... <smile>
Thanks for the reminder, we should post whate we ahve about our game called Ascension, it's all about working with chakras and energy alignment and balance. We need some development help with it, play testers, and so forth...
We will try to remember to post it up soon...
We will create a group and upload our game design and rules... We can play together online if we set this up right... Gonna take us a bit to figure out how to adapt this to online...
Catch you on the flip side...
Been mighty busy, still want to upload our game, but we ran into some snags, not sure now if we can set it up to play online without writing an application we aren't qualified for...
Or possibly we can set it up as a set of files and people can compose their game cards and post their current status and play in an image like this one for the basic game sheet each player works with...