Unconditional Love and Conditional Relationships

[Leila Raven]

Whether platonic friendships, family relationships, or romantic love relationships, relationships are a huge part of our lives.

Healthy relationships fill us with positive energy and feelings, unhealthy relationships drain energy and cause negative feelings.

There is no blame in relationships that are draining or create negative energy or feelings. There is no point in 'blame'. Blame as a process serves no positive purpose.

Sometimes it is just a matter of personalities or individual energies not aligning together. Two good people can still clash and have a negative relationship because of some negative behaviours.

Healthy relationships, come from choosing and creating relationships where you and the other person or persons benefit. No one is drained, everyone feels energized, and feelings are over-all positive, not negative.

Nothing is perfect, so you have to decide, what is too negative or too draining for you. But don't put up with what you know is too draining or causing too much negative feeling. There is NO positive purpose in this kind of 'friendship' you are not being bad or mean or disloyal to end it.

Keeping healthy is hard if in unhealthy relationships. No one benefits from these relationships. If only one 'benefits' they don't truly, for they are learning to be selfish which is worse than any possible benefit. They would benefit more in a relationship where all benefited.

If someone really cares they won't want to be a part of a relationship that is damaging to anyone. It may hurt feelings temporarily, but perhaps they will learn to live more in balance with others in the future.

We can have unconditional love for people, but out of love for ourselves have conditional relationships.

If people you love engage in behaviours your soul cannot tolerate, or engage in behaviours that hurt you or drain you emotionally or energy wise. Negotiate strong boundaries. e.g. "I care about you, but I can't have people talk to me like that in my life. If we want to stay friends, you have to stop. If you can't, then we can't be friends anymore. Sorry".

You have a right to set limits on behaviours that damage or hurt you. If the people you love don't respect these limits, then they don't really respect your relationship and you.

If you truly love them, and they are not willing to change draining or damaging behaviours that are hurting you. You are showing them, and yourself an act of love, if you prevent them from continuing to hurt you. Allowing a soul you love, to knowingly and deliberately harm you, is not a loving act on your part. You are not being kind to them. You are enabling them to act in behaviours that damage people they love! It doesn't matter if that person is you, and you're willing to make the sacrifice. Even if you are willing to suffer endlessly for them, what good are you doing them really? Do you really believe it is healthy and good for them to be someone who knowingly hurts others in that way? You are choosing then yourself to continue into a relationship now knowing you are harming them... harming them by enabling to be something that damages the soul, the energy, and the emotions, of those they purpose to care about.

Healthy relationships feel good and right most of the time. The small negative human bumps and ego struggles and over sensitive feelings getting hurt, are things that happen in ALL relationships, the healthiest relationships, all the time. What is important is the over-all balance. How these issues are resolved. Whether people in the relationship are growing, and happy, over-all.

Unconditional love with conditional relationships based on creating healthy boundaries based on love and compassion and respect for self and others.

You have the power to manifest all the healthy relationships you need in your life, right now. By looking at your current relationships. Identifying if they are positive and healthy or not, and if not, if healthy boundaries can be set to change them into healthier relationships. Working on making all our existing relationships healthier by setting healthy boundaries and asking our partners and friends and people in our lives to be clear on their boundaries. This boils down to clear communication right from the start... what are the needs/expectations/wants/desires/limits/boundaries someone wants in the friendship/relationship, etc. Are you compatible? Can you meet one another's needs? Open, honest, loving, ongoing, communication.

People change, and relationships need to change with them. Constantly growing, we need to re-evaluate our relationships and feed them with love and compassion and communication to make sure they stay healthy.

If we tend them, like a garden. Unhealthy relationships made healthy, or removed, allows room for sowing and cultivating new healthy relationships leave us with a full harvest, a bounty of love.

It's not the quantity that matters either, but the quality. Focus on your 'most important' relationships first, and work out. Starting with your relationship with yourself first. You need a strong core of love to work from. Don't allow yourself to engage in behaviours and actions that are draining, or hurtful or create negative feelings in yourself. Including of course... engaging in unhealthy relationships. *smile*.

We reap what we sow.

Live in Love

[Leila Raven]

Amira, absolutely, loving someone doesn't mean that you somehow must have a certain type of relationship together even if it is damaging, in fact it's an act of love to avoid being in a relationship that is damaging to you and/or a partner, no matter how much you love them. 'Tough love' often means turning away from a loved one no matter how much you long to connect with them, because you believe it's in the best interests of that person you love. I believe it's in everyone's best interest not to allow people to abuse you or treat you poorly. It's not selfish, it's loving, to have good boundaries and self love, and tough love for others that says you won't let them be bad people to people they're supposed to love. Even if it means you can't be together.

Of course this is a personal perspective, and there are people who choose to remain in abusive situations because they believe it's the best thing for them and their partner at the time... I can't criticize, I've been there and almost died because of an emotionally abusive unstable partner.  I got out only at the very last moment. This person did want to change, but neither of us had the ability to fix what was broken in the connection between us. Continuing to try to force it to work was disastrous wishful thinking.

[Leila Raven]

I had to do the same with a brother. I guess they call it 'tough love' for a reason, it's tough on everyone in those situations.