Parrots jokes

[Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland]

They can talk, they can imitate us, they make weird noises, and they are a lot more intelligent than they look.

Parrots are funny animals.
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so cheap?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls - old clients!"

~~~~~~~~~

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500." 

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."

The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this aroused the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

~~~~~~~~

There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight-of-hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:
"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!" or

"IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!" or

"IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"

The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.

Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.

The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"

 

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