Updated my about page. I've grown so much since joining.

[Numinous]

So many things have changed for me since I first filled out my about page. It was very early in my journey in Esoteric metaphysical magical studies. I've learned and expanded my horizons so much. Those first early steps were vital to where I am now. At the time I felt very lonely, spending time in magical thinking and studies, exploring vast realms that only existed in my inner universe. It was how I coped with isolation and health struggles. Now it's been several years and not only has my health improved, I've got several new friends that I really click with and I'm making more frequently. My personal growth has made all the time I needed to be alone doing the self work, shadow work and learning well worth it. I realized this week that I'm finally ready to truly begin my work. The last year in particular resulted in incredible progress for both my understanding and my acceptance of myself. I'm training my shadow self to be my leashed subordinate. Appreciated, cherished, nurtured, but under my full command henceforth. I love my dark side. It is as ingrained in me now as my heart and soul. I am thankful for it's over powering display of strength in protecting me over the last decade as I climbed out of the pit of despair that my critical health condition had left me in. After being so sick that I was in the ICU for a week, prior to 2 years of unchecked internal bleeding, I didn't recognize the person that left that hospital. The person I used to be never did leave that hospital. However, the person that did leave that hospital, the one who proceeded to vengefuly reject everyone and everything including life itself, no longer exists either. The shadow work and healing is a never ending process for me that iincludes ups and downs. However, I am yet again finding myself unrecognizable, especially in my inner world. I have to thank Sameal the most. His strength dwarfed my own, and yet he has been as gentle as a dove with my tender soul. I originally sought out to destroy or be destroyed by those powers and principalities that I had come to hold responsible for my lot in life. My empathy saved me by opening my heart to what I assumed to be evil darkness that was hellbent on my crescendoing suffering. I'm so thankful for the potent karmic work that I've been guided on, not only my own, but that of those very forces I once opposed. It's a galactic sized understatement to say that my 2 eyes have been opened. I've had 3 eyes opened and been wrapped in wings covered in eyes. My voice has been softened from the inside so that I no longer heap hot coals onto myself and others with manifested vibrations rooted in my inner pain. My heart no longer dispenses ice like a cold machine. The very air that I breifly borrow and give back to creation now cultivates and emits vibrant life energy. My body now digests and rest properly. My entire being from root, to core and beyond into the heavens has been disintegrated and reformed as a more whole being capable and eager to earnestly love, live and bring abundant peace into the world from my inner oneness. I feel mother earth under me, supporting me, fulfilling my needs, selflessly. I have a vision held within me of a perfected me that can not fully manifest in physical form simply due to the limitations of matter itself, but nonetheless exists now, has existed and always will exist throughout the annals of time. I'm extremely grateful to have this space to catalog my journey. Looking back has made me realize that this once future version of me that I am now, has been my own role model. Which leads me to strive for the future version I see in my minds eye to be exponential paradigms further advanced in ways I can't even hold as a thought in the circuits of my mind.

I wish joy to you all. Each and everyone of you deserves to be happy and fulfilled. Just hold hope even if it seems futile and frivolous. Take that next step and make it to the new day. One day you will look back and maybe even be grateful for these stumbling blocks of troubled times. If you are at peace and whole, may you remain so and achieve even greater things than this. I thank you for reading this outpouring of the essence of my heart. May you be blessed for now and evermore.

https://youtube.com/shorts/pLEq1zDN34U?si=fzdywISp2lTPhjHOThe Numinous Nod

[Heth]

Maaan! I kno how all that feels when you come to conclusions! I'm really happy for you! I can relate to this because I work with Samael also. The way you explained that is how he "fixed" me, and I have a whole new perspective on life. But ya, kudos to you! Keep stayin' strong.

[Mystic Wolf]

May you be blessed also Numinous

[Numinous]

Thanks Rosey and Bill! That means a lot to me.

[Bill Walker]

Wow, that sounds like a true awakening. I was struck by how hard you had to fight with your own inner demons to break free. It gave me the impression of a Butterfly breaking out of its cocoon. It kind of reminded me of my own battle to escape the walls that I had erected around my embattled youth. It took me a long time to find my own self confidence. Thanks for sharing this, I needed the reminder!

[Rosey Cross]

Wonderful blog! I enjoyed this!