The Kiwi Christmas - A very special Christmas poem for all those Homesick Kiwis out there and for the very Special Global Community here.

Christmas in New Zealand is less about snow and sleigh bells and more about sunshine, sand and BBQ's in the back yard with friends, family or both. Whatever you chosen celebration is this festive season, may it be brighter than any other before it. (list of festivities for December in the comments section below this blog) ♥

The Kiwi Christmas

T'was the Night before Xmas and all through the bach

Not even a weta was making a scratch

Woolly socks were hung by the pot belly with care

In the hopes that Santa soon would be there

The children were snoozing in a light summer's breeze

Whilst dreaming of spongy pud and lime green cream freeze

And dad in his walk shorts and me in my Jandals

Had just settled down for a couple of handles

When out on the lawn I heard such a ruckus

I sprang from my Lazy Boy to see what the fuss was

I ran to the sliding door, gasping and wheezing

Threw open the curtains and upped the venetians

The moon on the sand and the Trailer tarp

Lit the beach up just like Eden Park

But still when I saw, I thought I was asleep

A miniature Kingswood, pulled by eight tiny sheep

With a little old driver, sipping a Fanta

I knew in a moment, it had to be Santa

Faster than Phar Lap on steroids they came

And he coo-eed and shouted and called them by name

Now, Kevin! Now, Sharlene! Now, Rangi and Beck!

On, Darryl! On Shazza! On, Bilbo and Shrek!

To the top of the Pagoda, to the top of the wall

Get in behind, Get in behind, Get in behind, all!

As sandflies around a bar-b-que fly

When they sniff the sizzlers and take to the sky

So up to the top of the bach they flew

With a boot full of toys and Santa Claus too

With a handbrake stop, they arrived on the roof

Four Goodyear tyres and 32 hoofs

And as I quickly turned and ran to the lounge

Out from the chimney Santa came with a bound

He was wearing boardshorts, and gumboots on foot

And his Mambos were covered in six-month-old soot

A bundle of toys he had on his back

As if on OE with a brand new Macpac

He looked like he'd come from the beauty parlour

With rosy red cheeks like pohutukawa

A gorgeous big grin and white as white hair

With wee little tufts growing out of his ears

He had a broad chest and a round beer gut

That shook when he laughed like Jabba the Hutt

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly hobbit

And I laughed when I saw him, I couldn't stop it

He gave me a wink and a bonza thumbs up

And I quickly realised he wasn't a nut

He went straight to the socks without saying a thing

And filled them with barbies and Shrek 2 keyrings

Then giving his nose a jolly good scratch

He flew up the chimney with an almighty flash

He jumped in the Kingswood and cranked the ignition

And then they took off, like some NASA mission

But I think I could hear, as he drove out of sight

"Merry Christmas to all, have a bloody good night!"

Written by Auckland comedian Penny Ashton, A Kiwi Xmas is based on the poem The Night before Christmas


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