The Yin Yang of a Gemini site owner dealing with Drama Lamatics...

[Leila Raven]

Just to keep those curious updated...

My professional and not so professional responses to dealing with unwanted spam attacks are now as follows.

Professional... removed the spammer

Not so professional... wrestled with some ugly thoughts and feelings for about two hours

Professional... countered attempts at deception by misuse of facts of my person by increasing personal transparency, rather than denying or closeting my person in anyway.

Not so professional... I probably should have deleted the porn links when I copied and pasted the letter, shoulda, woulda, coulda, on the fence... need to let it go. Mostly gone.

Professional... helped people process the 'spammattack' with open dialogue and humour.

Not so professional... removed the donation button in an overly dramatic pity party and need to prove myself a 'good' person, and feel a sense of power and control. The 'I don't need anyone I can do this all myself' head space.

Professional... decided I will re-instate in a month (barring winning the lotto). Realizing I can't do this all by myself, well I could, but it wouldn't be half of what I really want it to be if I let people give me the help and support they clearly want to, and allow them the opportunity to contribute.

Not so professional... ate a bunch of cheap easter candy while listening to my mini-violin while recouperating from being dramautized. (being neurotic is very hard work!)

Professional... wrote every single owner of every single network I'm a part of to give them a heads up, without revealing/slandering who the spammer was. Just saying they had been stalking me, joining sites I belong to. Telling the owner of those sites I'm a spammer, and then spamming the sites themselves after they've been there a while.

Not so professional... had a lot of happy tears and trembles from replies I got back from owners of other sites as well as members here lending their support and telling me how much they appreciate me... the gemini half that tends to get a big ego and inflated head had to be wrestled down and given a firm talking to by my more self-depreciating parts.

Professional... Instead of increasing security measures that would restrict freedoms of other members I added a page and a tab to support other ning site owners, and show solidarity in working together, and supporting one another, so everyone can grow and benefit.

Not so professional... blogging every little thing in my head sometimes in order to process... open works for me. The downside of this is people are used to only seeing a part of someone and having to make guesses and extrapolate at what is 'beneath the surface'. With me, nothing is beneath the surface, what you see is what you get, I'm constantly 'communicating' who I am in many different forms, words, images, sound, energy... love. Since people aren't used to this, they assume that I am even more emotional than portrayed, or that there is more, of whatever I'm showing going on, based on what I am showing, because that is how most people operate. So trust me when I say this was a very little upset for me, that was over quickly, and over all I'm proud of myself and how I dealt with it. Mostly in that I allowed myself to learn in grow in expanding my compassionate response to negative actions created by others.

Outside the realm of professionalism, the most important thing I did was move into gratitude and forgiveness. I trust that whatever happens in this world, is what is meant to happen. I surrender to my place in the universe with love and trust accepted what was and moved forward with a heart filled with joy.

Not so professional... I'm exhausted now, writing all those owners and coding that related ning sites page tuckered me right out! But I feel better for having done the hard work, because hard work, always pays off, if nothing else, because one knows they've done their best in life... so now I'm eating more Easter candy, and letting myself have a wee break!

 

[Leila Raven]

Thanks guys, keeping things brief today due to limited energy, but reading and appreciating.

[Leila Raven]

SunKat, it was mostly peeps like you that helped see me through. :)

Valkyrie, thanks! having to be 'responsible' for the site instead of just another member dealing with this made it that I couldn't turn to any of my 'run and hide' reflexes because I had other people to think of as well.

I had faith that most of the people here were people that I had invited because I admired the quality of their characters, and they invited friends, people who were probably of a similar character, and so I knew most of the members would be supportive positive people.

anki, I believe strongly in showing ones 'weaknesses', for I believe it's only through acknowledging, accepting, and even loving our so-called 'weaknesses' that we can evolve them into strengths. Weaknesses are just misunderstood parts of self, and the more we hide from what we perceive as our weaknesses the more they control our behaviours rather than our strengths of character. 

Persephone, a former member and owner of another ning site spammed my membership with links to all my porn sites and a negative tirade, implying I have all kinds of hidden agendas and am spamming ning sites all over the web, etc, etc... Calling me the 'leader', and other bizarre-ness. Writing me saying we're cut from the same cloth her and I, etc.

I have no hard feelings toward this person as I feel it likely they are battling their own demons with perhaps some personality disorder mental health issues. I have had depression issues of my own, and I don't fault people for their hard wiring, or from having learned not to trust people from having lived life in a world full of people out to con and hurt others for their own game. However, I also can't allow them to work out their issues at the expense of all my other members. So as much as I would have liked to work it out with them personally. I felt my best option was to remove them, essentially they announced to everyone in a mass mail they were leaving the site before I removed them anyways.

Then they either came back under a pseudonym pretending to be someone else or conned a friend into taking action on their part and spammed the site members. They've also been going to all the sites I'm a member on and telling the owners that I'm a spammer and I'm secretly spamming their members. (how that's supposed to work exactly I'm not sure... maybe telepathically? ;)

Thankfully I have good relationships with the owners of most ning sites I have been on, as most of them are perceptive enough to see the evidence of my intention is not to take away from their space in order to improve my own, but to grow alongside of them, building and supporting their own sites as well as my own.

[SunKat]

I so admire you and that you were able to be upset and then work it out. To share also makes me feel a lot better. I'm sorry this person upset you but happy that Easter candy saw you through!