Removal of the donation option

[Leila Raven]

Today has me pondering the donation box. If I were independently wealthy, I wouldn't have to think about this at all, it would be a no brainer to not have it.

Back in the days when I was able to work and pulling in 200$ an hour either as a dominatrix or as a therapist, (more similar than one might expect) it wouldn't have been an issue, but then I would never have had the time to devote to creating a place like this.

I can cover the costs of this place myself if I really have to, and maybe I should.

They say money is the route of all evil, and I believe it.

People are obsessed with it, who has it, who doesn't, how to get more of it. I worry that some of the antagonism I've been receving by another site owners has to do perhaps in part with issues about money insecurities. Perhaps they are in financial need and feel that other sites are somehow a competitive threat to their own? or?

If removal of a donation box and covering expenses on my own would mean I wouldn't have to deal with that kind of stress being impacted on people, it would be worth it.

I'm not sure... I guess I'm still rattled by what's been happening and trying to make sense of it, and blogging is how I do that... trying to make sense of why people do mean things, what is it they think I'm doing that is so bad and why? What is it inside themselves that is having them frame my actions in such a negative light.

If this issue was just affecting me, it wouldn't be a problem. Abuse is something I unfortunately have some familiarity of being on the receiving end of. However when people start to drag whole communities into negative drama, it starts to impact many people negatively. That, others being inadvertently caught by the shrapnel... that pisses me off.

Smack me around, but leave other people out of it.

What is important to me is creating a sanctuary for people, and that I can't have when people are intent on disrubting the peace out of their own insecurities... yeah... I think I'm pulling the donation option.

I can handle this, I've got it covered, it unfortunately means I'll have less to donate to other causes, but I can make it work...

Thanks to all those who have supported so far, it's been appreciated.

 

 

[Leila Raven]

Aw, thanks guys.  Let's keep the Temple donation free for the month of April, in honour of all Fools... including my over sensitive and prone to dramatizations reactionary self! lol, and I'll put it back up in May. *feeling a little silly... just in time for april fools* !

[Leila Raven]

Linda, absolutely, thank you for bringing the focus to important matters... it's all too easy to distract ourselves with small and often petty day to day stressors and lose sight of the things we should really be focusing our efforts on.

Maybe I'll create a donation link to one of the causes I support instead. I'll leave things as they are for now and let myself process things for a while.

[Leila Raven]

You and a lot of others are keeping me up up UP... *smile*

[Leila Raven]

I know, and I appreciate that people want to give and want to donate... I appreciate it because I'm one of those people. I get more out of the giving than receiving process, just lucky to be hard wired that way I guess. However, I think there will be plenty of other ways members can find that outlet here. *smile*

I may put it up again in times to come, but for now, I don't want anything to do with it, I need a little separation from that aspect of the site, for my own growth.

I firmly believe that what we put out there does come back to us, I have no doubt that I will receive all the support and more that I need, so long as I keep focused on giving that same to others I encounter on the road of life.

Perhaps also I'm setting an example for others... to let go of our fears and insecurities, about money, about success, what do these things really mean.. what are they really about. Are people getting what they want out of life, and their projects and endevours in them... and if so why and why not.

I believe in what I'm doing here.

I believe that living with integrity, being transparent and open and authentic with self and others, and that living a life of love and compassion, are the only ways to true success...

Basically, it just felt like the right thing to do. *smile*

Sometimes I do get pulled into worrying about the financials, and I don't want that to detract me either. I don't want to take a single step down the road to mirroring some of the ugliness I find facing me in the world, I know I need to take that reflection, and own that there is a small part of me that is like that.

There is a small part of me that has some material worry and some greed, there is some part of me that is insecure and will measure the quantity of members over the quality as something important. A part that's been brainwashed by the system, fear based, that things more money and more friends and more more more is what will make everything 'better'. There is a small part of me that is trapped playing with those illusions. I fight with them everyday, and will continue to, to remind myself that is not why I'm here.

Just telling myself I'm not that person and don't want to be that person isn't enough for me to move toward changing self toward being more self accepting, and more secure in self, the step to silencing those insecurities is to have faith that they're not important things.. that the material is immaterial.

So it's helpful for me in that way too.. whenever I start to feel worry over money, or feel greed in life, that is when I look for another way to give more, and to want less. It always feels good, to let go and to have faith.

 

[Leila Raven]

To avoid people attacking me who may perceive me as financial competition for resources. In fact, I should encourage people to go donate on the Vampire Metrou... perhaps they will leave me alone for a little blood money. lol.

Because I appreciate spiritual and emotional support far more than monetary support.. and I can probably handle the monetary part...

members can give instead to each other, instead of me... the place is just a shell, it's the people here that count.